Mom, don’t read this. Stop here and find something else to do. Seriously. I’m not kidding.

I told the kids I was going to clean the fish tank today, as in stay out of trouble while I am doing this. Janie said she wanted to help. They are her fish after all, she really enjoys them. She cleaned the algae off of the mermaid with what she calls Dad’s toothbrush. It is an old one of course. Then she supervised me cleaning the gravel with the suction thing. Mom, you gotta stop reading now, I mean it.

This morning I awoke to the dulcet tones of my husband shouting “Holy $#!&”. We had another snake in the house, this one a granddaddy garter snake. It was huge and in our bathtub. We don’t know how it got in the tub, it couldn’t have made it through the drain, it has a screen on it. We could see some dirt tracks on the ledge of the tub, so we speculate it came up through the overflow for the tub, but that had to be a squeeze for him, he was enormously thick, like about the size of 50 cent piece. GD said if this keeps up, we are gonna move.

Then, he confessed to what I have long suspected, he would “rather not” handle snakes. He kind of hinted around that maybe I should take care of it. I pointed out our unspoken agreement, I do poopy diapers without complaining and he does pest removal. We don’t have a screen on the bathroom window, so he just tossed him out the window. Hopefully the dog got him.

My step dad, my knight in shining armor, is supposed to come help me do some honey do projects next weekend, like snake sealing. Last time he was here, he got sick, so he didn’t do much, and I understand. I hope Mom is feeding him lots of vitamin C, and you better not be reading this Mom. If you read this and change your mind about coming, I may never forgive you. Now that the snakes have made it to our end of the house, GD has taken some serious interest in getting the problem solved.