• I fed my kids cookies for a snack, then made peanut butter celery sticks for myself. Pretty soon the kids were eyeing my snack wanting some.
  • I organized a home circus complete with elephant, tightrope walker etc.
  • I made the ladies pack for themselves when we went on vacation – with photos from catalogs telling them what they needed and how many.
  • I lock my kids out of kitchen so I can cook supper and watch Friends in peace, except lately I have been having one of the ladies “help” me cook. It is so hard to get them to play apart from each other, and I can’t cook with three or four kids in the kitchen.
  • I labeled several objects throughout the kitchen by name, so Mae could work on her reading. Then I moved them a week later so the door says fish and the fridge says chair.
  • I took the kids to the sitter so I could take a three hour nap.
  • I can be talked into reading to them for hours on end.
  • I’m pretty lax with sunscreen, because our lawn is so well shaded.
  • I let my kids dress themselves nearly all the time.
  • I keep driving past the water park with vague promises that we will go this summer, but I have only taken them to the wading pool once, and it is free.
  • I admitted in front of witnesses that the bathroom is my favorite room of the house, because the door locks.
  • I recently found myself resisting sharing an avocado. I mean seriously, I have a kid who wants to eat a healthy vegetable and I won’t share it with him?
  • We have flashlight safaris in the living room.
  • I drink pop and don’t share it.
  • I rent Looney Tunes from Netflix to distract my kids so I can clean the kitchen.
  • The kids are used to being hustled out of the house because I usually try to do one too many last things before leaving.

If my parenting was a weather forecast it would be “Mostly benign negligence with brief periods of intense creativity.”