Booty Call

Leave a comment

The phone call came when I was 10 minutes from home.

“When are you coming home?”

“I’m on my way now.  Why?”

“Where are you?”

“I am going past the elevator; do you need me to get something?”

“No, Leo pooped and I wondered how long it would be before you came home.”

Click.

 

What is it with guys and poopy diapers?  It isn’t like cow manure bothers him, or pig or horse or chicken manure, heck pig poop doesn’t even wash out!  This man has had his arm (up to the armpit) in a cow’s rectum and he balks at changing diapers on his own flesh and blood?  Sure he will do it, but only if there is no alternative. 

 

In my seven years of researching poopy diapers, I have found three anomalies.

 

1.  While my step-dad won’t go out of his way to change one of my kids, he has good naturedly offered to watch the kids with the understanding that there was a good likelihood of a poopy diaper.

 

2.  When Leo was about three-weeks-old we visited a friend.  Leo pooped loudly, like three-week-old babies do.  I got up to take him from my friend Don to change him when Don said, “That’s okay, I can change him.”

“Don, he pooped, I’ll get it.”

“No prob, I got it.”

And I sat there with my jaw in my lap and watched a guy I used to work with change a poopy diaper on my baby.

 

3.  My college freshman (step) nephew offered to watch Leo when he was a baby.  I was a little nervous leaving my six-month-old with my 228-month-old nephew, but Mom assured me he would be in good hands.  We would be just across town at the ice-skating rink, so I could rescue either one if he needed it.  Little did I know.  When we went back to pick him up, Derek had not only changed his diaper a couple of times but he had fed him applesauce and his bottle then changed his outfit.  (Leo was a puker by nature.)  The poor kid barely had time for his nap (Leo not Derek)!

 

Quote of the Day.

Men should always change diapers.  It’s a very rewarding experience.  It’s mentally cleansing.  It’s like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes.”  Chris Martin, Coldplay.

 

It sounds like that guy has some issues.  My husband did not get the diaper gene, however we have hammered out an unspoken deal.  I handle poop and puke and he handles snakes.  Thank God I am busier than he is.  Does your hubby change diapers?

Advertisements

Culture Shock

1 Comment

A friend of mine invited me to join her in a garage sale this weekend.  I had plenty of stuff to get rid of, so I agreed.  Madeleine is from Peru.  Her husband is a businessman, and they moved here in 2000.  She speaks excellent English, she even enjoys reading in English, but she says she doesn’t get the humor in books.  At home they speak both Spanish and English.  Her husband was a good sport, he watched seven kids, serenading them with his guitar as they played in the backyard swimming pool.  We had the only garage sale in town with live music.

 

She told me that many of the customers would be Hispanic, and they were.  She was a huge asset to our enterprise because she could communicate well with them.  At one point, she turned to me and rattled off some Spanish.  In English it would have been, “Dowehaveenoughmoneytomakechangeforaonehundred dollarbill?”  I just stood there…trying to pick out a word or two so I could guess what she had said.  She stood there looking at me act stupid, then she laughed as she realized what she had done.  I do know the word cambio for change and cien for one hundred, but darned if I could pick them out.  I may have been distracted by wondering where the keys to the money box were.  We spent most of the day searching for those keys, because I kept leaving them random places.  Once I even lost the money box (when we were setting up).  Next time I do this, I am getting one of those key chains that motorcycle guys have with the big chain attached to my belt loop.  I have never lost my pants, in public.

 

The real culture shock was when she asked what Paul would like to eat.  Trying to make things easy, I said he would be delighted with a peanut butter sandwich, the national meal of our family.  She told me I would have to make it, because she had never made a peanut butter sandwich.  The rest of us had an excellent chicken stew with mashed potatoes, (Yukon Gold, I asked) and rice.  They are big on potatoes, since the potato came from Peru (or there abouts) originally.  I don’t believe I have ever eaten a meal with both potatoes and rice.

 

Unfortunately we didn’t have much traffic at our sale.  A shopper even commented that not many people were out garage sale shopping today.  We did have a lot of fun and I made about 100 bucks.  Another friend had asked me if I wanted to do a garage sale with her next month, so I can haul the rest of my stuff over to her house and do it again, but this time without an interpreter.

 

GD just came in with the mail.  Some crazy person who reads this blog apparently has mailed… Mailed me a plant in an envelope, not just any plant but a scarlet globemallow.  The dirt was pretty flat, but I think it protected the plant itself.  I stuck it in a rustic bucket that was home to an expired barrel cactus, so the dirt is more sandy than what we have here, hopefully closer to what it is used to.  I will keep you updated.

 

My husband just lit the grill with his hot shot.  This would be a cattle prod with a little electricity in it.  I have been shocked by one; it is not pleasant, but not really bad.  They work pretty well to get a 1200 pound critter moving.  Now a multi-purpose tool!

 

Ten things that made the last ten days great.

  1. I got my planner back
  2. I caught my first fish ever
  3. I got a flat tire on the day I forgot my cell phone (It was the only day of the week it didn’t rain, I was 50 yards from a house and the lady was actually home!  I had to call my babysitter to bring me the gentlemen so she could go to a softball game.) 
  4. Had a plant mailed to me
  5. I got to scrapbook twice
  6. My very first college friend found me on facebook
  7. I finally caught up on the One Year Bible (I had been slacking off a little)
  8. A young friend came to help out around the house
  9. I got to hold a new baby for as long as I wanted
  10. I haven’t had to water the flowers or garden in weeks

June-27

Feb/March Edition, Useless Information

4 Comments

180px-Egypt

   This picture came from a 4000 year-old tomb in Egypt. As you can see, women have been juggling for a long time.  The art of juggling is also recorded in early civilizations as far flung as China, India, Greece, Mexico and Polynesia. Early jugglers were healers and fortune tellers, only later did juggling become entertainment.  After the fall of the Roman Empire, juggling was discouraged as witchcraft, but it made a comeback  in the late 1700s, with the first circuses. 

   Bruce Sarafian holds the record for juggling 12 beanbags at a time.  “Stubby” Jones is credited  with first attempting chainsaw juggling.

   If you are making summer travel plans, this year’s European Juggling Convention will be held July 4-12 in Spain.

 

Did you know?

March 21 was corn-dog day?  Our nation celebrates it on the first Saturday of the NCAA basketball tournament each year. 

  The origins of this delicacy have become obscured over the years.  Corndog stands operated in New York City as early as 1941, but a 1929 catalog listed a Krusty Korn Dog baker.  Corny Dogs hit the Texas State Fair between 1938 and 1942 but Minnesota claims the Pronto Pup started there in 1941.  Locations in both Illinois and California claim to have added the ever practical stick in 1946.   

  You can order me a Korn Dog, a Corny Dog, or a Pronto Pup, but I want mine with extra mustard.

Corn Dog Muffins               

2 pkgs Jiffy Corn Bread Mix

2 T Brown Sugar

2 Eggs  

1 Can Corn, drained

5 Chopped Hotdogs

Combine ingredients and drop into greased muffin tins.  Cook at 400 for 14-18 minutes. I will be honest, I got this from a magazine, but I forgot which one.

 

 

Overheard at the Wildflower house…

 

WF:  Why didn’t you clean up that toy horse like I asked you to?

Mae:  You didn’t give us any elbow grease!

 

Leo:  Mama, I am always going to poop in my diaper!

 

WF:  What does a kitty say?

Paul:  RRRAAARRRWWWW

 

Jane:  Mom, I have been coughing since I was a little baby.

WF:  Yes, and you have been hiccupping longer than that.

 

 

More wildflowers!

6 Comments

 Spring is here and my fancy has turned again to flowers.  If for some reason the photo does not load and you really want to see the plant, you can look in my plant challenge folder.

 

Leadplant

  • Leadplant
  • Previously known plant
  • Amorpha canescens
  • Perennial, legume family, throughout the Great Plains. The name comes from the color of the leaflets. It has small purple flowers which bloom in June and July. The Omaha and Ponca called leadplant the “buffalo bellow plant” because it blooms when the bison are in rut. Pioneers called it “prairie shoestrings” because of the long roots. Some American Indians used leadplant to make tea or to smoke. Many tribes used the soft leaves for toilet paper. Speaking from personal experience, I know of better plants out there for such purposes. Leadplant is an indicator of good range condition. I once had to convince a guy that his chemical dealer was cheating him by selling him spray to get rid of this. He said he could have purchased a new pickup for what he had spent in chemicals.
  • Scarlet globemallow

  • Scarlet Globemallow
  • Previously known
  • Sphaeralcea coccinea The name sphaera is Greek for globe shaped (sphere) referring to the seeds which are round with pie shaped segments. Coccinea means red.
  • Globemallow has gray-green leaves and salmon colored flowers with bright yellow pistils. It can grow up to one foot tall, but because it prefers droughty areas, it is usually shorter than that. It can be found throughout the west blooming April through August. Other mallows include hollyhocks, cotton, okra and hibiscus. The American Indians used globe mallow to treat a variety of ailments from wounds to rabies. Medicine men would rub a paste made from it on their arms to deaden them before reaching into boiling water (to impress others). The Navajo used it to improve their singing voices.
  • This is my favorite flower of all time, so I was excited to see it growing when I went back home a couple weeks ago. Unfortunately my seed sprouting experiment was an unmitigated disaster. I still have four packets though, so I will try again. Presumably it is easy to start this or transplant, but since I found mine on federal lands, I hesitated to get my shovel out, at least so close to the road.

Death Camass

  • Death camas
  • Previously known
  • Zigadenus ssp.
  • Several species of Zigadenus can be found across the Great Plains, and all are poisonous. This member of the lily family bears a striking resemblance to the wild onion, another lily. Like most lilies, Death camas grows from a bulb, and has long flat, grass-like leaves. It blooms May through July, some species may grow to two feet high. All parts of the plant contain the alkaloid zigadenine, which can be compared to strychnine. Even the plant savvy Indians sometimes accidentally poisoned themselves when a bulb was inadvertently included in a mixture of other edible bulbs. They used it to treat snake bite and venereal disease as well as induce vomiting.
  • Unlike onions, death camas does not have an odor, and “taste (s) poisonous” according to Kelly Kindsher, author and field tester for Edible Wild Plants of the Prairie. Kindscher sampled it to compare it to an edible lily which closely resembles death camas. He says, if something tastes bad, it probably shouldn’t be eaten. I rest my case for Brussels sprouts.

cudweed sagewort

  • Cudweed sagewort
  • Previously known
  • Artemisia ludoviciana
  • Perennial, sunflower family, can be found from Mexico to Canada in most any soil type. Nebraska is home to many different species of sage. Some are woody shrubs while others are soft stemmed forbs. Sages were fairly important to the Plains Indians. Cudweed sagewort was called Man’s sage by many tribes. Contrary to its name, cudweed sagewort is a pretty plant. It has silvery leaves and stems coated with fine hairs. Many tribes used this particular sage for rituals. The Cheyenne used it to purify themselves and to protect against evil influences. They also used it for bedding when fasting. Cudweed is vital to the Sundance ceremony. At various points during the ceremony men used it as a paintbrush, in purification, to prevent thirst and to gain strength. Around the home its many uses included, stuffing for pillows, deodorant, packing material, mosquito smudge and in the sweat lodge. In the medicine cabinet, its uses included sinus problems, headache, nosebleeds, tonsillitis, sore throat and cough. Interestingly, both the Romans and American Indians used sage widely in conjunction with a woman’s menses, using it to reduce swelling and for bathing and birthing purposes, as well to treat stomach aches. I thought it was interesting that two groups separated by such time and distance used the same plant for the same purposes.

Cattail  

  • Cattail
  • Previously known
  • Typhus ssp.
  • Cattails can grow to nine feet tall. They have stiff long leaves and a unique flower. In early spring, cattails have two hotdog shaped clusters on their stalks. The top cluster is the male part of the flower. After it turns brown, it produces pollen to fertilize the lower, female cluster, then it dries up and blows away, leaving the female part with a stick coming out of the top of it.
  • Most parts of a cattail are edible. In the spring the shoots can be eaten boiled or raw, and presumably they taste like raw cucumber. The flowers can be eaten like corn on the cob in the early part of the season, when they are green. Later the pollen can be harvested and used with wheat flower for baking. The roots contain lots of starch which can be extracted, or the root itself can be boiled or roasted and eaten. If you are ever lost and hungry near a cattail, you are in luck! Keep in mind however what may be upstream from your cattail, because cattails filter water by taking up pollutants. If you are adventurous, I found some cattail recipes I would be happy to pass along.
  • American Indians had several uses for the rest of the plant. Some tribes wove the leaves to make mats for their lodges. Other tribes used the downy fuzz for wound dressings and as talcum for babies. Getting cattail down in the eyes was believed to cause cataracts or blindness.
  •