There comes a time in every man’s life where he can no longer wear his sister’s hand-me-down socks with any dignity.

 

I got a new Thesaurus for Mother’s Day.  I asked Mom to give me a word to look up.  She gave me “apprehensive.”  Later I asked GD and he gave me the same word to look up.  Coincidence?

 

Why is it that when I want to add up something while on my 1991 IMac I can simply hit a button and have a calculator, yet I have never found a calculator on my 2006 Compaq?  Anywhere!  Isn’t the whole idea of computing basically using a fancy calculator?

 

People who only have cell phones should not be issued phone books.  If we can’t get a hold of them, then they should not be able to get a hold of us.

 

I was sorting my laundry tonight and had a dilemma.  My washer does not have a “plastic lizard” setting.  Since there was only the one, I threw him in with the greens.

 

The sign at the post office seems a bit optimistic, it says, “15 minute parking.”  Maybe I should ask for validation next time…after I am done with my business.

 

Why do greeting card companies make cards that are just a little too big for regular postage?  There is nothing like getting a birthday card you have to pay $.17 for.  It’s just mean.

 

And by the way, where did the symbol for “cents” go?  It used to be on my keyboard, probably above the six.

 

My pink duct tape has never migrated to the shop like the silver stuff used to.

 

I can’t even fit my owner’s manual in my glove box, much less a pair of gloves.

 

Mae wants to know, “Do they have show-and-tell in college?”  She hasn’t yet noticed they don’t have it in first grade.

 

I love to stand up in church to sing a hymn and find the seam in the back of the pew ahead of me with my fingers.  Nearly all pews have this feature.

 

Squint-print is starting to bother me, am I getting old? 

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