I Think I Unleashed Something…

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My first grade daughter sits between “Eddie” and “Frankie” at school.  She is in a combined first and second grade class, and while these young men are in second grade, they should be in third grade.  Mae asked me, “How does sex work?” last night.  I asked where this came from and she said Eddie had told her about it, and that he had some funny words for it like “bang.”  So I told her the truth.  I reminded her how her little brothers have weenies, and said that girls had a hole and that the boy put his weenie in the hole and sometimes the girl has a baby later on.  I told her that only grownups that were married should do this.  She said, “Yeah because how could a kid raise a baby?”  I also told her that she should come to me with these questions, and not to believe everything that Frankie and Eddie told her. 

Tonight I plan to go over the private parts/good touch bad touch talk again.  Did I give her too much information?  Probably, but I would rather do that myself than have to go behind Frankie and Eddie cleaning up, besides we live on a farm and soon enough she is going to see some animal or another doin’ it (or should I say ‘banging’?).  Ideally I would like to teach my kids about sex at age 17 when they leave the convent (lol).  I was in the fifth grade when we got “the film” and that was about when I really correlated the animal thing to humans.  What age would/did you teach your kids about sex?  Did gay sex come up in the conversation?

Short story entry

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I posted the fiction story protected.  If you want to see it and can’t, let me know and I will make the necessary adjustments.

I need to go to bed, but here I am blogging.

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I shipped the gentlemen off to the sitter today and I cleaned the office.  I balanced two checkbooks and put away stuff all day long.  Phew.  The best part was nobody was taking apart the rest of the house while I cleaned and filed.  I just have one box left full of that stuff that accumulates on the kitchen counter from oh, either Thanksgiving or Christmas when I just shoved it in a box for later while cleaning.  I refuse to have Easter here.  You know, I had Easter here last year, making it pretty much me for all three “family” holidays last year.  What a dope am I!  Just kidding.  My SIL moved into a real house so she can start hosting us.  And as for Thanksgiving, I spent most of the prep-time in the emergency room, so I might have to let my SIL claim that one, since she was in my kitchen getting things ready.

For various reasons I have watched a lot of movies lately, both at home and in the theater.  I went to the theater three weeks in a row, and that has never happened, ever.  Ever.  I really liked Up in the Air.  It was nice to see George with a love interest of the same generation.  I watched We Are Marshall.  That was great on so many levels, it had my main squeeze, Matthew McConnoughy (I refuse to learn to spell that until he actually proposes) and Jack from Lost, and January Jones from Mad Men and best of all, Lovejoy!  I had to look him up on wikipedia to be sure, but by golly it was him.  It was like a weird reunion.

I realized that Leo’s toes are doing something weird, after a little investigation I discovered that his shoes are too small.  Bummer, he really likes the Transformers on them, even though he has never watched the show.  While trying to find something in the hand-me-down stuff I found a brand new pair of shoes (bought for a few bucks on clearance and stashed in the hopes that I would remember them in time) that fit Paul who is also ready for new shoes.  Currently Leo is wearing his sister’s black cowboy boots which are a size too big. We will just double sock him and call it good until I get to the store.

I have MOPS tomorrow, I am so glad.  I have been all alone out here all winter it seems. 

Pardon my ecstacy!

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I got an awesome letter in the mail today congratulating me on winning first prize in a writing contest, for two of my entries!!  Pardon the extra exclamation mark there, it was an accident.  My pieces will go on to the national contest now.  I have already cleared $100 this year for my writing, of course minus the $20 for entries and another $25 for joining the Nebraska section of this outfit so they can send my entries on to national.  Yeah, so we are looking at $55 but that still says dinner out to me!  You should see me turning cartwheels!  (oops there was another one)  One of these was a short story based on a story that an older friend told me, and the other was an article about left handed kids.  I will post them at some point, maybe protected, because I would like to sell them if at all possible and I don’t think they want published entries.  Oh, I need to finish making a birthday cake and cleaning the kitchen floor for tonight’s dinner guests now.  Thanks for listening.

Goal checkup

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A look at my book goals so far this year.  In January I read nine which was about as good as I have ever done, especially since one was an 800 pager.  But.  Of those, I listened to four of them on my ipod.  I actually missed Desperate Housewives one night because I was too interested in Jodi Piccoult whilst cleaning the kitchen.  It is so great to grocery shop with a book!

Of the 13 books I specifically want to read this year I have finished none.  I am on page 337 of 631 in John Adams.  That’s barely half way!  It is good, but a plodder for sure.  I am afraid most of them will be not necessarily any easier to read, but hopefully shorter.  I have learned that one guy had to personally sign all the paper money the Colonies printed.  Luckily for him that was before carpel tunnel syndrome was invented.

I just read a book that takes place in the Revolutionary War, and of course John Adams spends some time there too.  I am listening to The State of Jones, which is eleven hours of the Civil War as it was fought in Mississippi.  I am finding some similarities.  Both times the rebels fought barefoot and with no food for weeks on end.  These people were very dedicated to their cause.  I am glad our soldiers now are better provisioned.  I suppose the rebels they are fighting may not be though.

Unfortunately my mother’s reading list is influencing mine to great effect this year.  She has no paperbackswap.com account, so she has had me order her books on my account with the understanding that I can post them when she is done.  So I have all these books sitting around my house that I have not read, and most of them look pretty good.  Yeah you can see where this is going.  For light reading I have picked up And His Lovely Wife about a politician’s wife.  Again, not on my list of 67 that I have picked up anywhere from you folks to Sharon Randall’s newspaper column to Time Magazine’s recommendations.

On an unrelated subject, I have one of those milestone birthdays coming up, never mind which one.  This and other things have caused me to think; and I think I need to see at least 49 states by the time I am 50.  This gives me a few years, but I got to looking, and a trip to the North East would pick up a lot, then I would need to hit the Carolinas and for some reason, Oregon.  Well, and Alaska, but I figure I can save that one for later.  I actually have traveled through several because I took a bus trip when I was a kid, and I can’t remember if we actually went through West Virginia on the way home, so I left it off just in case.  I also have been through Utah, but I was a wee tyke and I remember none of it.  I really would like to take the kids to Washington DC when they are old enough to travel but too young to be sullen.  Whatever age that is, it will probably not encompass all of my kids at the same time. Hmm.

 

In the interest of Love…

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Bethro78 stole this from somebody else.  She will recognize some plagiarism, but I figure if somebody else said what I wanted to say, then who am I to change it?

1.  When was your engagement anniversary:  Is it wrong that I don’t remember the date?? ha. The official proposal was in September of 1996 during half time in the Thedford – Mullen football game.  He took me out to the Middle Loup River (for most of you that would be a thriving stream) on a little plank bridge.  I was anxious to get back to the game, because while I could care less about Husker football, I love high school football.  When I figured out what he was up to, I was okay with it, and we only missed a couple of minutes of the game, (Mullen won).

2. When is your Wedding Anniversary: May 3, 1997. 

3. How long have you known your spouse: I believe I met him in the spring of 1996, so 14 years?

4. How long did you date/court before you were engaged: 4 months

5. Where did you meet your spouse for the first time: He caught me heading for the shower after a branding.  I was as filthy as I have ever been when he knocked on my door and tried to sell me propane.  He called up a couple of days later and asked me out.

6. What is your spouse’s name: Grandpa Daddy.

7. Do you have any Children yet: hahahaha

8. How many:  4

9. Do you have any house pets: We have a kitten who is on her way outside, and lots of outdoors critters.

10. Do you own a house or rent: What, is this a job application?

11. Do you live in the country, or a town/city:  We live in the country.

12. What is one of your favorite activities together: Going to the movies.

13. Do you have a favorite vacation spot: It is hard to get him to vacation, but we have been to Texas more often than anywhere else, in fact we are headed there this spring if we can afford plane tickets.

14. How many siblings, including in laws:  I have one married brother and five step-siblings all married.  My husband has 9 living siblings and their spouses which makes for a grand total of 31 immediate family plus of course the parents.

15. What church were you married in: We were married at the Mullen United Methodist Church.

16. What is your favorite restaurant to eat at together? Shogun when we are in Lincoln, El Tapatio when we are in town. GD says Mc Donald’s (he’s wrong).

17. Do you work or stay at home? We both work, he gets away from the kids to do it though.

18. Where did you honeymoon? We went to San Antonio, Corpus Christi and Laredo.

19. Leave a piece of Marriage Advice: I don’t think I have any good advice about marriage, and I would sure hate to impart bad advice.

Guest Blog – Mae

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This somewhat alarming essay came home last week in my first grader’s bag, but it fits right in with featured-grownups topic this month.

Unfortunately this revelation comes as no surprise to those of us who live with Mae.

My perfect scool day wold be come put my coat and bookbag away.  I wold sit by the wall, go in the [classroom] and that day it wold be my birthday.  It wold be a surprise.  I got to be the boss ther wold be no teachers.  I wold be the boss of the class.  That wold be the perfect day.  Ps It wold be 100 degrees outside.

 

 

I have a date tonight too!

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Last night’s date went well, Paul spent much of it nude, because I ran him a bath after having inadvertantly used all the warm water in the washing machine. I already had him undressed, so while we waited around for the hot water heater to catch up we played nude Elefun then nude coloring and nude flash cards.  It has been a long time since I spent all evening with a nekked boy. 

The ladies played hair dresser for Aunt Annette to the point that she may never wash all the product out of her hair and Uncle Brian will almost certainly be going to work at the tractor factory Monday smelling like perfume.

Leo and Daddy had grand fun at the Monster Trucks.  GD thought I was overly cautious when I sent the ear “muffins” with them.  Leo wore them the whole time, and GD wore his quite a bit as well.  Leo stayed up past 11, and he is still excited.

Benjamin Button and I had fun as well, but Brad wasn’t cute for nearly long enough in the movie.  I spent from 11:30-1:00 mulling the movie’s premise.  I need to find the book I guess.

Tonight GD and I are off to Red Lobster and Sherlock Holmes at the cheap theater.  After tomorrow, I will have to find a muumuu to wear.

 

Random Thoughts IV

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I made egg foo young today.  It is my favorite of all the foo youngs.

What is on the other end of your belly button?  I have given birth, I know what is on that end of it, but what about the other end?

 

Our last name is a little odd.  The spelling throws people off guard and they stress the wrong syllable.  When we go out to eat and are asked our name for the waiting list I tell them.  When they ask how to spell it I say, “I don’t care, just pronounce it right when you call us.”

 

Our school system has a robo-call thing to let us know when school is closed due to weather.  Our school system includes five schools.  One of these has a strangely pronounced name.  Why have they not taught the system to say the school’s name correctly, or spelled it incorrectly so it says it right?  It makes it sound like the guy on the weather alert is calling from out-of-town about school closings.

 

Do you think it is weird that our hospital advertises during Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice? Do our local doctors sleep around with each other too?  We do know one got caught pandering…

 

When picking out your email address, I suggest not choosing something using the words “male” and “hottie” and a number which suggests a sexual position.  It is hard to take someone seriously while typing in that email address.

 

Clearly the demise of the typewriter has led to the demise of standard letter folding.  My typing teacher in 9th grade taught me to fold a letter to be sent in a long envelope in thirds, parallel to the words on the page.  If a letter was to be sent in a smaller envelope, one should fold the letter in half parallel to the words then fold it in thirds crosswise.  To go in a card, a letter may be folded in quarters.  Never is it to be folded perpendicular to the words then folded four times until it is narrow enough to fit into your envelope. Neither is it to be folded in thirds then one edge folded in an additional quarter inch.  If you are using an envelope that is a hair short of a long envelope (you will notice this if you ever send out photo cards because the company wanted to save $.01 per box of envelopes) simply fold your letter like you are putting it in a smaller envelope.  It is interesting to note the origami that passes for letter folding these days.  

 

When I started eating good dark chocolate, it ruined me for everything else, like M&Ms.  Even Hershey’s dark chocolate is too sweet for me these days.

 

I heard on NPR that some football team, like the Vikings or something hired Prince to write their theme song.  All I can say is I am glad Nebraska had Alan Parsons Project.  When the tunnel walk came on during Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs I wanted to stand up and cheer for the Huskers and I am not really a fan…but it is a moving song.  I guess my blood is red after all.

 

Speaking of the Huskers, I believe they are slated to play not only Wyoming at the Cowboys’ stadium, but also Idaho in Lincoln next year. This means I will be attending two Husker games next year and not cheering for them either time.  I might have to muzzle my husband though.

 

We are off to the accountant tomorrow.  GD won some money gambling, enough that the casino made him sign a tax form, but not really so much.  Our acct suggested we save any proof of losses, like horse racing tickets and so on so we could minimize the tax hit.  I put all of that stuff in an envelope labeled “wages of sin.”  I don’t think the tax guy has a sense of humor, but we will see.

 

I am considering applying for a job at the race track this spring.  I would be one of the people who take bets. They are only open three days a week, and you don’t have to work all three days, so maybe I could work say, Fridays or something.  It would be a little extra cash-ola.

 

I pitched a weekly column to the local ag mag.  The ed was going to get back to me later this week.  I am very hopeful.  Maybe I could even syndicate it…I will let you know what happens.  I also entered two items in a statewide writing contest, so I have been busy writing even if I haven’t been blogging. 

 

I have writing goals this year.  I want to send at least one thing out each month.  That isn’t so very unattainable is it?

 

I have kinda missed reading the Bible this year, now that I am not forcing myself to read it.