Incredible Sex For Wives

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First, Paul has been sleeping at night.  Like most of the night.  This has left me no real excuse to stay up late on the computer, but I still managed to overhaul my page, and I am very happy with it.

Today I went to MOPS, Mothers of Preschoolers, which is my lifeline to sanity. I get to talk to real live grownups. They provide child care too! Today’s speaker was a young, and I mean not yet 30, woman who spoke about God and marriage and sex. It was called Incredible Sex for Wives. She handed out an outline, I wish it had more to it.

What I remember was, sex needs marriage to confine it, and marriage needs sex to sustain it. She spoke about how men are visually stimulated, and how women are stimulated by touch. She talked about women’s self body image, she said, “whatever thing you’ve got going, he’s into it.” That is still hard to believe, considering the other women (on TV, ads…) that we all get to look at. She spoke about how sex didn’t used to be dirty, Song of Solomon is full of it, so God thinks it is good too. She talked about trust and vulnerability…she also said it is not required, but that we do a disservice to ourselves, our husbands and our kids by not having sex. She finished by talking about changing how we view sex, how we view our husbands and how we approach sex, before during and after.

I remembered a third of what she said, I told my husband who will remember even less of what I said and we will maybe take a baby-step forward. She did say it is a journey. Apparently her mother has been giving this speech for years, and got to where she had more offers than she could handle.  I would like to hear it again.

On a side note, I wore corduroy pants, rather than my Levis, and a blouse I bought in December in an attempt to pull my wardrobe out of the early 1990s. I combed my hair rather than doing the ponytail thing and used some moisturizer. No fewer than 10 women told me I looked nice. Now this may be because I have only been to one meeting since Paul was born, and it was poorly attended, so they remembered me 50 pounds heavier, but wow, I felt great! Of course Husband didn’t notice a thing, and we even met for lunch.

I took a course in college called beef and sheep management where we learned how to determine an animal’s body condition by looking at certain parts of its body. Since then I have used that knowledge to determine my personal body condition score, you know whether I think I should loose a few more pounds. If I were a cow, I would be coming off of grass, about six and a half maybe closer to seven. I would like to shoot for five, five and a half, so I am doing my Lenten diet. The last two times I implemented it, I lost just the right amount of weight. So no sweets for 40 days, unless it would make someone else feel uncomfortable. (I am hoping that situation arises!) Of course the last two times I did this, I got pregnant within just a few months and shot the whole thing out of the water. I know that I am not overweight, but my wardrobe would quadruple if I just lost 10 pounds, so I am gonna try.  I guess the down side to that is, my wardrobe would still be 15 years old!

Today, I got a message on our answering machine from a guy I don’t know wanting me to make him some chocolate chip cookies. He is a trucker and he was going to be stopping at my husband’s store to get tires on his way from Oregon to somewhere. What is really funny, is that I had just got the stuff out to make cookies while the kiddos were napping, when I saw the machine blinking. I put a dozen by for him. I don’t believe this guy is married.  How flattering!  Husband says a former employee stopped in to say he only reads the paper to see if he is in the obituaries and to see if we have had another baby.

The incident of the underwire

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After my third and final child, I figured my body was done changing shape and I had come to an angle of repose, as Stegner would say. Grandma asked what I needed for Christmas, and I was honest and said a bra. She gave me a gift certificate to JC Penney.

In January I took all three kids to JC Penney to go bra shopping. Leo was in a stroller, as he was 7 months old, and the ladies were along for the ride, at 4 and nearly 3 years of age. JC Penney is apparently saving money on labor, as nobody works in the store except the check out clerk, from whom I borrowed a tape measure. I found a couple bras that I thought might come close, so we went to the fitting rooms. The handicap access one was locked. It was the only one with a door, so I chose the curtained room farthest from the changing area entrance. Then I was faced with a choice. I could close the curtain and leave Leo outside in the hallway, or I could put the stroller in the changing room and change in the hallway, with a view of the entire store, or rather the entire store would have a view of me. My third alternative was leaving the curtain open and the stroller in the hallway. I tried this, but the ladies were being “active” and I had a hard time keeping an eye on them without chasing them down the hall while hooking a bra behind my back. I am somewhat modest, and although the store was pretty empty, it seemed a little risqué.

I finally gave up in disgust and bought my husband some long johns with the gift card. I told the cashier, when she asked if I had found everything I needed, that I had not found anyone to help me in the bra department. She said she was sorry but she had to stay at the cashier’s counter.

We proceeded down the mall to Victoria’s Secret. The lady put all four of us (and the stroller) in a changing room that was larger than a standard bedroom, with a locking door and everything. She measured me and found me some bras to try. She even gracefully side-stepped my question about the weird under-arm fat bulges which showed up in one particular style I had tried. I bought two bras, which cost more than the gift certificate had been by quite a bit, but the service and privacy were worth it.

I had quit nursing Leo four or five weeks before bra shopping, thinking that things would be back to normal. About two weeks after the incident, I noticed it looked like I had a couple of golf balls rolling around in my new bras. Have I shrunk more? I don’t have a lot to lose in the first place!

I don’t know of course, since I am pregnant again. For some reason Sears was the only place to buy nursing bras in our town, and they quit carrying their maternity line. Actually nearly every store quit selling maternity clothes between Jane and Leo. You would think the third largest town in Nebraska would have enough customers to keep a maternity shop in business, or at least a place to buy something between WalMart (where I don’t shop) and Yonkers (which I can’t afford). Last week I bought two nursing bras through the JC Penney catalog (it was private, and of course they don’t carry any at the store). The catalog said buy your pre-pregnancy size. Can’t wait to see how that works out. It just doesn’t seem right. My old nursing bras are shot, and they never fit well in the first place. I would have asked about nursing bras at Victoria’s Secret, but I had asked during my first pregnancy and found out that breastfeeding was not her secret.

I am not actually reading the book, but it looks good.  Will have to check out the library.