This weekend, two of my nieces, Ann and Lynn, and my SIL Annette invited me out on the town. I jumped at the chance, since our fair city has recently gone smoke free. Annette smokes, and I love her dearly, but it was a wonderful bar experience for me. Back in the day I was a fairly common sight at the bar, but those days are long past. I suspect that the last time I was in two bars in the same night was circa 1995. I remember wanting to wear my yuckiest clothing so I could just toss it after I got home. For some reason, bars accumulate extra smoke, it compounds exponentially, and is eerily attracted to non smoker‘s clothing. This time I didn’t feel like I had to strip down in the garage before entering the house then wash my hair four times in the shower before going to bed. Sorry folks, I am liking non smoking bars. But I digress.

The stated premise for the excursion was pool, not boys, although nobody told that to the boys who were hanging around Lynn. We started at a place that offered really lousy karaoke and three pool tables. It was not a happening place, inhabited mostly by old men who were leering at us. I played maybe the single worst game of pool in my life. It was so bad, after 6 shots (pool shots not alcohol!) I casually rolled the 14 in by hand as I sauntered back to my beverage so I would have one ball down. Niece Lynn wanted to sing karaoke and when she heard the announcer say that she was on deck I saw something I had never seen in all my days. She whipped out a stick of Suave powder scent deodorant and then applied it. Right there by the pool tables. In front of leering old men.

We then traveled across town to the bar we should have been in to start with. It had really good karaoke, two pool tables and the clientele was closer to our own demographic. For some crazy reason, there was even a woman in a wedding dress. You spend all this money on a dress, then only wear it once. Ann and I sat at the bar watching Lynn play pool and the karaoke singers doing their thing. Then this guy came up and sang a song that made me laugh so hard I cried. I found the lyrics on the internet, but you have to hear it to appreciate it. Having said that, it was absolutely the raunchiest song I have ever heard. The first line about Kunta Kinte and Merle Haggard caught my attention. Then with disbelief I couldn’t stop listening, it was like listening to a car wreck, and I couldn’t take my ears off of it however bad I wanted to. It wasn’t the singing, it was the lyrics. I won’t go into any further detail, this is a PG blog you know. The song was about a lap dance and a stripper crying. If you want to check it out, I am sure you could google it, but don’t blame me if your sensibilities are offended.   I won’t be putting it on my currently.  If you wanna hear it, you have to work for it.

I got home about 2:00. It was lots of fun. I can’t wait to do it again. Mebe I’ll take Grandpa Daddy next time.